This past week I was able to go to our Elevation service at church. It was a last minuet switch… and I was blown away that the Lord had given me what seemed a random day off from serving, but a perfect message that spoke straight to my heart.
Backing up a little… Life has been a roller coaster the past few months to say the least. From Brock finishing school, being gone for 3 weeks, possible change of MOS (Military Operation Specialty), Re-enlisting in the ARMY, Looming deployment orders, jobs and interviews, babies and the list goes on…
I keep asking the Lord what He wants me to learn so I can leave this desert and wandering. I like a good plan. I like seeing where I’m headed. This time seems wasted to me. Frustrating in so many ways waiting on other people to get their stuff together. Etc… I just want to learn whatever lesson I need to, and get out ASAP. A couple of weeks ago, I was at a serious breaking point. I got up early before the kids and the sun and headed out for coffee with Ann Voskamp’s Book One Thousand Gifts. Again, I “randomly” re-read a section about trials and giving thanks. *BING* eucharisteo — I so needed that, at that very moment. Prayer, Thanksgiving, Trials… repeat. I’ve been so stuck in trying to “get out”, I realized I need to focus on my attitude and giving thanks. Not being consumed with my circumstances.
It’s amazing the “small” insights Christ has so kindly graced me with in the past few weeks. I feel so much more content in my circumstances and peace that I don’t need to know where we are headed. Just that I am to follow, give Praise and Thanksgiving, and continue on the journey.
Yesterday Matt Doan, my high school pastor, gave an amazing message about visiting the “desert” AGAIN.
“Don’t let the trivial or the tragic distract you from worshiping our great God.”
– Pastor Matt Doan
My goal doesn’t need to be about learning what I need to learn, and I’ll “graduate” faster…. It’s all about worshiping my Savior. Not matter the circumstances. Somehow, that is a huge relief. I’ve been searching for the meaning to this mess. But it really was never up to me. It wasn’t up to me to figure out, or get myself and my family out of.
And so the journey continues. Into the great unknowing and very unpredictable. And in the mean time, I’m continuing to work on Thanksgiving and Worshiping my Savior with all the answers.
Desert Song :: Hillsong
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is a God who provides
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here…
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve recieved I will sow