Confessions: In the Midsts Of Chaos

 

You may or may not have noticed I’m a little behind on posting our Lesson Plans for this week.  While life generally always seems to be busy and chaotic, this week I feel has been extremely so. With Brock going to school nights and weekends, trying to study and prepare for school during the day is task in it self with the kids wanting to spend time with their Papa. Daily chores to be done, and starting a full-time job, and preparing for our Church’s moms group meeting {where I’m co-leading a table this year}, chaos doesn’t being to describe how I’ve  felt this weekend has been going. If you know me well, I thrive on routine, order and just enough spontaneity to keep things interesting {okay, PLANNED spontaneity is more like it!} and tons of coffee. I am so thankful for the blessing of working from the comfort from my home and even at my own convenience. However, being at home and sitting down for any given period of about 15 minuets, I start seeing things that need to be done and it drives me crazy. Learning to let go and ask for help from Brock has been a huge learning experience for me. I’m used to doing everything by myself and asking for little to no help. But we’re helping each other out right now. I’m prioritizing and figuring out a plan to make things work so there is still sanity for my sake!

Confession time! I’m working through some guilt of not doing everything I normal do with and for the boys. We started pre-school a few weeks ago with Silas because we saw a passion for learning and growing. I was feeling a little discouraged that he seems far beyond teaching him at his age level. I honestly don’t know what to do with him now… My laundry isn’t getting folded right out of the dryer either. Sometimes I forget snack time all together. I didn’t take the trash out tonight. And there was only one veggie in dinner… tomato sauce counts right?!

We’re finding a new rhythm between a  working from home Mama. A working Papa, who is also going to school. Keeping up with the house, chores, meals, nap times, oh yeah, keeping the kids clean and diapers changed. Throwing pre-school in there too and planning that? Planning play dates and moms night outs for Mom’s group, Walking the dog, getting the uniforms to the cleaners and picking them up again. Who has time to sit down and breath? Let alone have some time to really talk with your husband. Don’t worry… I’m showering in there too! Even brushing my teeth.  I HATE asking for help. So besides the fact that God has blessed me with the job to help with income, I’m pretty sure His #1 goal is to help me ask for help for myself.  For years now, {ahhh, CRAZY— Yes, YEARS!} Brock has been on the go. I’ve had a baby, moved houses, and done a multitude of other tasks on my own. I’ve been self-sufficient, yet married, all at the same time.  It’s hard for me to go back and forth from asking for help, then not having help… having help, not having help. But just in the past week I have seen our marriage and relationship grow by leaps and bounds in an area that was a sore subject before.  It’s amazing how you pray and ask God for one thing, and He blesses you with many more. I prayed for a job… He blessed me with a work from HOME job & Gives me way to work on our Marriage. Thank you Lord for the ways you care for us!!

 

So here is our chaos. Here are the memories we are making in the midst of it.  I’m learning to slow down, AGAIN.  Don’t let me expectations or perfectionist desires get in the way of loving and enjoying this time we have as a family. We may never have Brock home this much again.  Getting to see Silas and Isaac play with their Papa like they have been the last few months has been so wonderful. Many  All of these moments Isaac is having with Brock are things Silas didn’t have.    Tonight, I’m so thankful for the Chaotic house He has given me. I’m asking Him to take the guilt from my heart and replace it with endurance and joy. This is a new adventure for us, and I can’t wait to see where we are next year!

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