Confessions: Of a pregnant mama

STOP.  Don’t freak out, I’m not pregnant “AGAIN”… no announcement. Just reflections!

A year ago I was still in tears over the fact I was pregnant. Silas had just turned one, and he wasn’t sleeping through the night or even close to it. People were asking me how excited I was to be pregnant again, and I either had to muster up the faintest glimmer of excitement, or sometimes I would confess I wasn’t sure how I was going to have 2 under 2 and still be *an amazing mama*! Hear me out. I was excited for another baby, no doubt. Thankful God had blessed us with children for sure. But I wasn’t expecting to be pregnant again, and Silas wasn’t even 1! My husband just came home from being gone for 18months. I hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in a row in about 12 months, how would I manage two babies up all night?? I probably would end up looking like those cartoon characters with frazzled hair, burnt chicken for dinner and living in piles of laundry! That was one of my greatest fears! I didn’t want to have so many kids, and not be able to maintain a house and be the wife my husband needed and give my little ones all they needed as well. I didn’t want to be a failure as a mama.

This morning I woke up at 6:58am. I felt refreshed and ready for the day {Maybe slightly groggy}!  I have an energetic, crazy, smart, fun-loving 2 year old who is getting better at sleeping in his OWN bed, in his OWN room, ALL NIGHT LONG! A far cry from my fears last year. I have the cutest, smiliest, blue eye 5 month old Chubba who is up only once a night and sleeping in his crib in the boy’s room! They have made a great transition to sleeping in their room together! I am so thankful!!! I’m standing on the other side of that mountain. It’s sure not perfect. But, its a dessert of disaster I exepected. And, we aren’t the Donner party, we all made it out of the winter storm, Thank GOD!

I look back on panic, anxiety and confusion from those days and am so glad that God is faithful even when I am unsure. The questions of, “why God now?”,”are you sure???”, “I may go insane”, and all the rest, have somewhat faded {ok, I still wonder if I’ll go insane, but not from sleep deprivation}. I’m slowly learning I don’t have to perfect being a mama to one, to have another. It’s all a growing process, and just because you’ve figured out one kids, doesn’t mean the next will be a breeze!

Thank you Lord for your unfailing love. I can’t believe how much joy and love these two bring to our lives!!! We are so blessed.  And I am so thankful your plans are so much greater than mine! I would have missed out on a lot if I had things my way!

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