Dissapointment

Dear Baby Silas,

The days are numbered that I can truly call you my baby Silas. Every day you are learning new things and quickly becoming more of a little boy then I’d like to admit.

Some days I am so glad you are still a baby these long months your daddy is gone. The day you were born your mama, Auntie Em & Samuel brought you home. And since then, it has just been us. I’m glad there are so many great guys in our lives that love on you. Between Grandpa, Grandad, Unky Dan, Uncle Kev and so many more, I think you do alright. No one can replace your dad tho. I’m sorry for the days and special milestones you two have missed out being apart of together. But I am glad that you don’t know any different. But in the same breath, it breaks my heart.

I’m not sure why I even got my hopes up. I didn’t really, but it was a blip on my radar, I confess. When we said good-bye to daddy at the end of his leave, there was a sliver of hope that he would be home by the end of February. The days are slowly ticking by and I am saddened by the fact that with it, goes a day that we could be together as a family. I know this is expected and I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up. It is something you will learn as you grow up. Whatever the ARMY says, we add a month, and expect the worst. Hurry up to wait, as they say. When you were born, Silas, I started counting down the days until I would see our little family together for the first time.

I waited 210 days for that. We waited 210 days.

Surely I can wait 30, 40, or even 50 more days till we are together again?

Sometimes, it just seems like forever. I’m ready for this deployment to be over. I’m ready to have my man home. I’m ready to start checking off our long over do Family Fun List.

How many conversations have I had, albeit one sided, “Someday soon Silas, we will go ….”, “When daddy comes home, he will take us…” and on. These are the hopes that keep me going and you are the reason it seems slightly bearable. Every day seems to get harder. I can’t lie. But every day is one day closer. Oh my sweet boy. My heart aches for the family we are and it longs to see you play with your daddy again. I am blessed God chose me to be your mama. We can do it, I know we can.

And every time I see your smile, I will remember why I do it.

You are the reason we make this sacrifice. And it will all seems worth it.

Lord, please continue to give me patience. Give me peace that surpasses all of these worries and troubles. Let me continue to love and raise Silas so that he is drawn to You. Give me strength to face each new, beautiful day, you give us, with overflowing energy and enthusiasm.



Deanna


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