Warning: Heart to Heart

Sometimes it hits. Out of no where.
The laundry piles, baby crying, dinner mess, sweeping, trash to take out, bills to pay, messes everywhere and piles of papers you don’t know what to do with. You know? Everything all at once. The world dumps like “storm watch 2010”. Nothing seems to go as planned, or as easy as you thought.
Life is hard. And this weekend has been rough, not gonna lie.
I try to be strong. Tell myself to perk up, figure it out. But sometimes, I just can’t handle it all. I’m lonely, frustrated, tired, hungry, exhausted. I’m not a single mom, but I am. I don’t want to ask for help, but I need it.

How thankful I am to have so many friends who are so supportive. I’m not sure what I would do without so many friends who live down the street I know I can go and cry on their shoulder.
After 1. a call & good cry to my sister 2. another good cry & talk with Emily 3. a talk (and yes, crying too!) with my mom and 4. dinner out with a friend, I came home to an imperfect house! A house with floors that needed to be swept, laundry to do & fold, dishes in the sing, and toys on the ground. I walked right past it, put Silas to bed, and slept myself. Maybe it was because I bawled my eyes out too many times and wore myself out? But I slept amazing.And thanks goodness, because I needed it!

I know a while back I blogged about frustration of not getting things done the way I wanted or like. I still have that same frustration and struggle today. My floors aren’t as clean as I’d like. My car is a little messy. I’m not totally caught up with laundry. The high chair has some puffy snacks left from this morning, and *gasp*, there are still toys on the floor from yesterday! But my baby needs me. He needs lots of mama time these days. I need time to myself, so I don’t go crazy! And there will always be more housework, it doesn’t ever get done!

I’m slowly trying to leave up my “perfection” at the feet of my Savior. Only He can really take the anxiety, worry and frustration from my heart. Besides, I get to enjoy the cutest little boy I could ever imagine, enjoy the blessings of many wonderful friends and family, live in a beautiful neighborhood where a run is always welcomed! The dishes can always wait a few hours and no one will really notice I only swept once instead of four times today as I tend to the things that really matter.

Brock shared with me before he left, a quote that he really liked…

Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. —John F. Kennedy
Funny how God always slips those things in right before we are hit with something…

Reading last night I also came across this passage to meditate on this week…

Eph 3:14-21:
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

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